Feeling What I Was Told to Hide

Growing up, some emotions were welcome.

Others were not.

Happiness was acceptable.

Gratitude was acceptable.

But sadness?

Anger?

Fear?

Those emotions often came with consequences.

So I learned to hide them.

I became skilled at smiling while hurting.

Functioning while overwhelmed.

Helping others while neglecting myself.

For a long time, I mistook emotional suppression for strength.

Then my body began telling a different story.

The anxiety.

The tension.

The exhaustion.

The tears that appeared without warning.

The emotions I refused to feel were finding other ways to be heard.

Healing required me to stop running from my feelings and start listening to them.

Not fixing them.

Not judging them.

Listening.

I discovered that emotions are not enemies.

They are messengers.

Anger reveals what needs grieving.

Sadness reveals what needs grieving.

Fear reveals where safety is needed.

When I finally allowed myself to feel everything, I stopped carrying emotions as burdens.

They became teachers instead.

Reflection

What we refuse to feel does not disappear.

It simply waits for our attention.